END OF HUMILIATION
Written by Captain Mary on Friday, September 09, 2011How did all begin, well it was over 9 years ago now. I had been living the life, a wonderful husband, children close by, boating and fishing almost weekly. Then there was a day that we were out on the boat, my husband, my daughter and myself. Coming out of the Bimini channel after a day of boating and having fun. When suddenly my husband throttles down on the boat in the middle of the channel, he then says "This is where I want my ashes scattered", I replied with a yeah, yeah, lets get going before it gets too late. I really didn't think anything of it, hell he was only 47 years old at the time. Not noticing other things either, or perhaps just not putting them together. He had lost his sobriety, but to the extreme, then he would take pain pills until he passed out. I didn't really do anything but get angry with him. I also noticed that we would argue, usually over really stupid things, but I was convinced that the marriage was just falling apart. I began packing my boxes in plans of moving on, somewhere else. Calm as could be he says to me, "don't move out I will be dead soon". Again, I let this information just pass.
It wasn't three days after the trip to Bimini when my life began changing, my husband was put in the hospital and was told he would only live 30 days. Hard for me to believe, I began getting him to treatment centers and daily doctor visits. To no avail, he passed away in the estimated time.
Before he passed he asked me if I would be alright, and ,of course, I said I would. I thought that I could do it. Time passed and I really didn't worry about money, he left me some money, which allowed me to travel and still maintain the household. My daughter helped out a bit and we were doing just fine.
To move up in time to about 3 years ago, things went down quickly, I became dependant on credit cards to make ends meet, work was slow, from two or three clients a day and the horrible crash of the US economy, things got tight. I was still able to afford my credit cards, paying over the minimum every month. Then suddenly without warning I noticed the credit card company raised my 4 percent to almost 30 percent in a single statement, then the next credit card followed suit. I don't understand why exactly, but then I tried to work with them. Their terms were ridiculous, I felt like I was involved with loan sharks. What to do now? I talked to a friend who had knowledge of someone going through the same predicament. He said to just file bankruptcy. How humiliating I thought, now I must admit that I am a complete failure to myself. As I did more research and ended all my attempts at working out a solution with the creditors, this sounded like my only solution. So, I hired an attorney, and that was a special day. The first things they told me to do was to stop paying all my credit cards, and maintain the bills that I wanted to keep, like my home. I was told that if they call just give them my attorneys phone number and if they continue tell them they will be sued. All that sounded like a great relief to me. Work became slower and I starting to suffer with knee problems. I could no longer exercise or even enjoy my life, I became so depressed.
I looked at myself in the mirror and said to self, get your ass up and smile, there are so many people who care about you. I continued in a happier place and put the aches and pains down as old age, its just part of what happens. I would have been a lot better if I could afford doctors, again I just moved on with a smile and I am convinced that everything happens for a reason.
Now, finally present day, I have my court date to disburse my debt and begin my new life. I found Vocational Rehabilitation (thanks to sister) and they are going to help me find doctors to fix what ails me and to help pay for further education. This way I can do something more than odd jobs to make ends meet. Don't get me wrong, physical labor I find very rewarding. The fact that I can still do physical labor is probably the most rewarding. I now look forward to the future with excitement. I am again starting a new life, with some goals and perhaps without daily pain. I have found that my humiliation was simply in my head, there is no one who treats me like a failure or even thinks that way. Life is always evolving and changing and if I stay in one place then I guess life will just pass by. I have a new life about to begin, who wants to join in on the party?
I guess I spoke prematurely, I am back from my hearing, even more confused than before. My attorney said that I did fine. I am not certain that I did. But, what is the worst that could happen! Jail time! I answered the questions to the best of my knowledge, that is with my nerves at their ends. Now, the wait is on for their deliberation, it will be a matter of two weeks or so.
Patiently waiting, the time came and the humiliation is nearing its end, it took over a month, but now I still have to wait until all matters have completely dissolved, until that time, I await yet another new beginning. I can't complain, according to my attorney, there is no humiliation, because there is countless people doing the same thing. It a way to start over without the pain and stress of bills.
I recommend this to anyone who has been screwed by the credit card companies. It is well worth the money and effort.
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