Cappy's Corner

KITCHEN COUNSELOR "CLOSED"

I got a phone call on Wednesday, my regular day with the "Kitchen Counselor", and had a request for advice. I had to give advice all on my own. I sometimes get it right, but I need back up from time to time. This was one of those times. My counselor was off in the Bahamas, without notice, imagine that!

The subject was marriage, should I or shouldn't I give advice on this subject. I understand that marriage is so important to some people, the ceremony that binds for all time the love that two people share. I get it, a commitment of a life time. When you think you have found that person and have spent so many years with that person, the obvious conclusion would be marriage.

As I thought about the pros and cons of this particular situation, I recognized that financially that it would be an expensive proposition, between, benefits, health insurance, taxes, etc...not in the best interest of the couple. That is not to say that there is a way that people can be committed to each other without legal documentation. I understand the partner is so afraid of loosing everything in an ugly divorce. Of course, this is thinking gone wrong. To think about the end and not the commitment of love, seems awkwardly backwards. I thought about a Prenuptial agreement, and as I continued to think about it, I wondered what he had to protect. So, I came up with a list of the most expensive pieces of his property. The home, completely up-side-down, who could afford it or even sell it, who would want it in a divorce. Next, the car, that is funny, the boat, funnier, I couldn't come up with anything that was substantial enough to put into a prenuptial agreement without laughing my ass off.

The both of them love each other and have been together for over 7 years. Saying that you don't want to get legally married because of the government, is just an excuse, because each of the problems made by the government marriage can be managed by paying a little more attention to the law. It states simply that if it was yours, it stays yours. If it is not in your name, it doesn't belong to you. A "Will" allows you to give anyone you want, your belongings. I think that in the event of a divorce the best bet in this situation is to run, don't walk, who wants to get stuck with all the debt and old stuff, seriously!

Then who is to say that there couldn't be a marriage, with or without the legal documentation. Moving into the new millennium it tends to have more benefits not to get the legal documents. Not saying that a contract of commitment couldn't be drafted. I would think that this document would have more weight, because it is based in love and commitment in their own words. A contract is a contract, it is still a legal document, without the government using it against you. It stays private in a box in your home, where it means something to the both of you. After 7 years in their relationship they already consider themselves married, the only thing missing is a wonderful day of celebration of their love. A honeymoon would be a plus.

Anyway, this is the advice that I can give, something to ponder, thinking about both sides of the relationship. I have tried to consider today's world in this conundrum. Just a bit of a thought. What advice can my readers offer to this debate?