Written by Captain Mary on Wednesday, June 27, 2012



 Today, a usual day. Except that I was getting some much needed home repairs done. I enlisted my daughter and her beloved to do the job. They unlocked the gate to get supplies in and neglected to shut the gate behind them. Really no big deal.

Upon checking up on my dogs my daughter noticed that she could not locate my precious little Bogey. She began calling for Bogey and nothing, then Monica began to panic. She got the neighbor involved in the search and Jeff, her boyfriend got in his truck, off they went to locate the missing mutt. Bogey was no where to be found, by then I had pulled up to my house and found sitting, hystericly crying was my beautiful daughter. That is when I found out that she thought she had lost my little man.

I knew that Bogey has never run off, he just doesn't find the need to travel, but he does love to hide. Monica said that she had looked all through the house and he never came when called. Bogey has a bad habit of staying very quiet when he doesn't want to be found. Poor Monica and Jeff had searched the neighborhood, shouting, which alerted some neighbors that proceeded to call the police. Now with the police driving around the neighboorhood, there isn't a chance that Bogey would be lost.

After trying to calm Monica down, I realised that she was so upset because she thought it would break my heart if Bogey was lost. It would, but what broke my heart is to see my beautiful daughter so distroyed. Did she think that she wasn't more important than Bogey. Not a chance!

My Monica did all this for me, 45 minutes of complete hysterics and guess where Bogey was! He certainly didn't stay outdoors, he was tucked under my desk, completely silent, so that no one would make him go outside. The look of relief on Monica's face when I brought the little hideaway out, was one of ultimate relief, and a bit of anger toward little Bogey. All is well and I bet the next time there is work done around the house the dogs will be in lock down.

I must admit I was glad to see him safe as well. The best part was to see Monica smile again and Jeff was happy that Monica was happy. Because if Mama isn't happy no one is happy. 

Bad Bogey

Is it still funny, if nobody saw you?

Written by Captain Mary on Saturday, June 09, 2012

It all started as a regular work day, my customer asked if I could pick up the leaves on the second story balcony. As the day progressed it was time for me to pick up the leaves and clean off the balcony, I walked through the door and began bagging up the leaves, upon completion I went to go back inside the house. I put my hand on the door knob and turned it, but what I found out is that I was now locked out! I didn't panic, I just figured I was pulling when I should be pushing. Well, I was wrong, standing there whispering a few choice words I leaned over the balcony and looked down, more choice words uttered after that. It was a long way down. Looking around the balcony I noticed an emergency ladder covered by a canvas.

The ladder was rickety to say the least, but what choice did I have. I could call for help, but how long would that take? I didn't know exactly how the thing worked so I began to stretch out the ladder and carefully tossed it over the side of the balcony. There was no way to secure it and when I looked down I also noticed that it wasn't very long. In fact it only reached the top of the kitchen window below. This meant that I would have to jump at least one story to get to the ground. But, would I be able to jump away from the house so I didn't land in the landscape. I kept thinking about how this ladder was going to stay secure, because it wasn't attached to anything.

In my dilemma I threw my leg over the side of the railing and placed my foot on the first rung of the ladder, still holding on to the railing in case it gave out. Another rung down the ladder I went, still holding on, this time to the gutter. Looking over my shoulder and down toward the ground I imagined myself on the ground with a broken leg or something else. Finally reaching the last rung of the ladder and I am still no where near the ground. If I jumped now I could fall on my ass and crack my head on the deck. My only alternative was to use my arms and move down each rung of the ladder with my legs hanging below me. The ladder is made from thin metal pipes, that are covered in rust, not even a foot wide. It didn't even dawn on me that I needed the strength to hang on supporting my huge ass.

So here I am hanging by my arms, below me the ground still seemed far away. Thinking what if someone came home and looked out the kitchen window to see me hanging precariously with boobs pressed against the window, what would they think? What seemed like a long time passed and I was thinking how I would swing away from the landscape and land on the gravel path below. Holding on to the quarter inch rusty rung imagining that it would all calapse on me and I would fall anyway, I proceeded to let go. I think I closed my eyes.

Somehow I landed on my feet, I looked up at the ladder, my lifeline, and to my great amazement I jumped almost a full story. All I could think was, "I am so glad no one was home to witness this, for they would be rolling on the ground with laughter", I began to laugh myself at that point and continued the rest of my day without event. Only a day later did I even tell anyone what happened, because I was still in disbelief.