Cappy's Corner

Is it still funny, if nobody saw you?

It all started as a regular work day, my customer asked if I could pick up the leaves on the second story balcony. As the day progressed it was time for me to pick up the leaves and clean off the balcony, I walked through the door and began bagging up the leaves, upon completion I went to go back inside the house. I put my hand on the door knob and turned it, but what I found out is that I was now locked out! I didn't panic, I just figured I was pulling when I should be pushing. Well, I was wrong, standing there whispering a few choice words I leaned over the balcony and looked down, more choice words uttered after that. It was a long way down. Looking around the balcony I noticed an emergency ladder covered by a canvas.

The ladder was rickety to say the least, but what choice did I have. I could call for help, but how long would that take? I didn't know exactly how the thing worked so I began to stretch out the ladder and carefully tossed it over the side of the balcony. There was no way to secure it and when I looked down I also noticed that it wasn't very long. In fact it only reached the top of the kitchen window below. This meant that I would have to jump at least one story to get to the ground. But, would I be able to jump away from the house so I didn't land in the landscape. I kept thinking about how this ladder was going to stay secure, because it wasn't attached to anything.

In my dilemma I threw my leg over the side of the railing and placed my foot on the first rung of the ladder, still holding on to the railing in case it gave out. Another rung down the ladder I went, still holding on, this time to the gutter. Looking over my shoulder and down toward the ground I imagined myself on the ground with a broken leg or something else. Finally reaching the last rung of the ladder and I am still no where near the ground. If I jumped now I could fall on my ass and crack my head on the deck. My only alternative was to use my arms and move down each rung of the ladder with my legs hanging below me. The ladder is made from thin metal pipes, that are covered in rust, not even a foot wide. It didn't even dawn on me that I needed the strength to hang on supporting my huge ass.

So here I am hanging by my arms, below me the ground still seemed far away. Thinking what if someone came home and looked out the kitchen window to see me hanging precariously with boobs pressed against the window, what would they think? What seemed like a long time passed and I was thinking how I would swing away from the landscape and land on the gravel path below. Holding on to the quarter inch rusty rung imagining that it would all calapse on me and I would fall anyway, I proceeded to let go. I think I closed my eyes.

Somehow I landed on my feet, I looked up at the ladder, my lifeline, and to my great amazement I jumped almost a full story. All I could think was, "I am so glad no one was home to witness this, for they would be rolling on the ground with laughter", I began to laugh myself at that point and continued the rest of my day without event. Only a day later did I even tell anyone what happened, because I was still in disbelief.

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