Written by Captain Mary on Tuesday, February 22, 2011

I have seen the loss of family members before and my hope is that they can morn without interruption. When my grandfather passed away. My uncle scooped up my Grandmother in the pretense to be her caretaker and he only did it to get the money and property that was left behind. Spouting that he was entitled to this. I don't feel that any one child is entitled to more than another, after all they are family. But, in real life this is not what happens. When money is left the family begins to fight for their rights to it. This brings the family to what once was brothers and sisters then becomes nothing but a distant memory. Sometimes it never can be reconciled. How does this happen, when money becomes more important than people. The worst part is they tell you that it could never happen in their family. My attorney, when I was making my Will, made this very clear to me, that something happens when the leader of the family dies. It just isn't about them anymore its all about the cash. She gave me the advice and then I witnesses it first hand when my husband passed away.
My husband passed away on St. Patrick's Day of 2002, almost 9 years ago. I held his hand for hours, until he slipped away peacefully. Tears ran down my face and I could only think to myself that this couldn't be real. I found a man who loved me without reservation. How lucky was I to have such a man. I somehow made my way home, I don't remember. I do remember how my family was there waiting for me to help. My sister, an expert on this type of thing, knew just what to do and did it. Still in a daze and not really certain of the timeline, it was either the same day or the next day, Children and Family's knocked on my door. Still in shock I didn't understand their visit. Now that I look back I see it was all about money. Someone called them in to investigate my husbands death. Still, I was curious, they asked me questions about his history. I didn't understand what she was doing there, until she hinted that the complaint claimed I might be responsible for his death. I had so much documentation that the lady from Children and Families walked away disgusted that anyone would call her for this circumstance. Now, this was only the beginning. My husband had a x-wife which was determined to get her hands on any money he may have left behind. She started making phone calls to all the banks, claiming to be me. Thank goodness I had a friend at one of the banks, the lady at the bank called me and told me to get down there right away, someone was trying to take the money out of the account. All I can say is that I had an iron clad Will at my disposal, not to mention my name was on everything. Oh, she didn't stop at that, then she called the Insurance company, even though my name was on the policy as beneficiary, they had to do an investigation. Which held up the money for months, it didn't matter to me about the money, I just wanted to morn the loss of a wonderful man. I had no time to do this, I was so busy just trying to keep this woman from taking away my home and car. She did not quit, until I filed a claim against her with Children and Families. This seems like a cruel thing to do, but a year had gone by and I had to do something to get this woman out of my life. Now, can I mourn my loss or is it to late? I still harbor resentment for her taking away the time I should have had to cherish his memory. Even his family had turned their back on me, they didn't show up for his Memorial Service, which was wonderful and full of fantastic stories of his life.
The only way to protect yourself from this is to be certain that your family does not suffer through this horror, be sure that everyone is taken care of prior to your death. Accounts and mortgages must be named. Don't for a minute think that this could never happen in your family. Have an iron clad Will. Don't let money be an issue for your family. When they say money is the root of all evil, they aren't kidding. I can do one better, I am going to die penny-less. Just enough to dispose of my remains, no funerals, but a nice party. Bring a six-pack or a bottle, a covered dish and some snacks. The loss of someone you love is a time to celebrate what they meant to you and celebrate their lives. I have put the people that have gone before me in a very special place in my heart, the lessons I learned, the love they shared and the way they enriched my life. For every life has a purpose and when someone touches your life you have received a great gift. A gift you can keep forever and maybe pass on to your children.

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  1. 1 comments: Responses to “ FAMILY SADDNESS INTERRUPTED ”

  2. By Queenie on February 22, 2011 at 8:26 AM

    I can't help but to think that this post is tied to recent events that have taken place in your family. I can't tell you how much that sucks, Mar.
    This post is beautiful BTW. You expressed yourself very eloquently.