Written by Captain Mary on Tuesday, July 01, 2008

This question will make you think. What is your Black Hole?

Leave your response in the comments or check to see what others wrote.

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  1. 2 comments: Responses to “ QUESTION OF THE MONTH ”

  2. By Queenie on July 2, 2008 at 9:38 AM

    A black hole can be defined in so many ways. I had to give it some thought. I took this request as a black hole being something that holds you back in some way – whether emotionally, mentally or physically. My black hole is fear. It seems that my tough exterior is just that. Once you strip that away, I am a big chicken emotionally. I always worry about what people will think of any decision that I make. I am concerned with what people think of me and ultimately making them happy. Sometimes, that worry carries only as far as my immediate family. Sometimes it extends to friends and sometimes….even further out.

    Acceptance on some level is what I feel drives most people. We dress in ways that makes people like you or notice you. You enter a room to either not be noticed or to scream out that you have arrived. You make decisions based on either pissing people off or making them happy. Admit it or not, our lives always revolve around others most of the time. I have only just begun to live for myself. I struggle with this every day.

    I was born into a family of people that I believe were put on this earth to take care of people. Most of us have succeeded in making others happy for a very long time. I call my family the peace makers & care takers. We are the ones who work until exhausted to entertain, to make events perfect, to have the perfect meal in the perfect setting, to make sure that our loved ones have that perfect outfit, that perfect moment that they want and that there is no conflict. That is what keeps us ticking. To make others happy. It is a blessing and a curse at the same time. My whole life, I have been programmed to please people. It has affected relationships, friendships and my life.

    I have always had to tread carefully when allowing myself to be close to others because I could easily be taken advantage of – out of my need to make people happy. As long as I could recall, I was the first one to have hurt feelings and shed tears over others. As I got older, I simply just put up walls to protect myself. Up until recently, I have always put others first. Always. I still am that way on some levels, but I also have begun to do things that just serve myself and my own happiness. It’s a strange concept for me. I still get hurt when others don’t approve of something I do or say. I still have a deep seeded need to take care of the ones that I love and care about. At least now, I recognize it and thankfully, I have people in my life that appreciate my drive to keep them smiling.

  3. By FIRST MATE on July 2, 2008 at 11:46 AM

    My black hole, is something that I feel that I will never escape. That would have to be my EX. For some reason unknown, he still is involved in my life, but in a negative way. I know that because I have children with him, that I can't completely escape him, but damn, at what point does it end. I probably would not feel this way if he was a positive impact on my children, but it doesn't work that way. Instead, he undoes everything that I have tried to accomplish with my kids, and all within the summer. I have my kids during the school year, and he gets summers, and whenever else he feels like visiting with them. This could really fall into other catergories, besides black hole, I would say maybe DBD (if you know what that means). He does not pay child support , or like I have already said, visit the kids. He is also unsafe with them! Once my daughter was ejected from an airboat, and it was hidden from me for about a year. He has managed to suck the life out of me when we were together, and still now!!! I try very hard to be a good mother to my children and raise them right. Over the summer, the values and respect go right out the window. Does he not think the same things are important. Well if you knew him, you would know the answer to that. I know that you are wondering how HE still affects me, just don't let it bother me right, wrong. When you look at a child and see hurt inside of them, for say, not visiting with dad more often...well that's when I am affected. I love my kids with all my heart, and never want to see them upset. At least if I do it, I will explain to them the situation and go from there. But I can't always fix the things that their dad does to them. I am the backbone for my kids. I guess that is my job as a mother, to protect them even if from their own family. I could go on and on with this, but I am sure that you get the idea....And so he will always be a black hole to me, if you are looking at a black hole as destruction. The kids don't realize it yet, but eventually they will also see the black hole that I see.